Lately I have been reading posts by quite a few young bloggers who seem like they really have their act together. I am very impressed with the eloquence and maturity of their voices and what they have to say, the questions they pose. But I can admit to being a jealous of how cool and together they are, because I sure as hell wasn’t that cool or together at their age, and sure as hell aren’t now. It has gotten me to thinking of where I am at in my life, and if it is okay!
When I was in my teens or late twenties and even into my thirties, I thought people that are my age now (51) had their act together and it was one reason that I looked forward to getting older, it sure seemed like my parents had it together. I figured then that when I reached this age I would have a grip on things, that I would know myself, that I would have everything figured out. I would be cool and together.
But hell, no…that’s not the case. On the outside I might have my crap together, have a great family, an interesting job, lots of activities that I love to do. But on the inside I am just as insecure in many ways as that kid so long ago.
When do we ever really grow up? Is it when we have a happy momentous occasion in our life; like a graduation, a new relationship, a marriage, children, first great job? Or the devastating losses of a loved one, a relationship or a job? Are these the milestones that mean we are growing up or force us to do so? Or is it more of a gradual, “sneaking up on you” kind of process?
Can anyone tell me? Does anyone have the answers to this? Cause I sure as heck don’t know. I am at a point in my life that I would really like to know what makes you feel grown up inside, or should I? As long as on the surface I have it together, does it matter what is going on below the surface? Can I be a big goof and get away with faking being mature and put-together? When will I ever stop being afraid that someone will figure out and unmask me as not being as mature and together as I pretend?
Are other people doing this? Living behind a mask of confidence and self-assuredness? Is that what being a grown up is? The ability to fake it til you make it? Pretending we know all the answers? If that is the case, maybe I have my stuff together better than I thought. Maybe I can be cool and together on the outside and just a hot mess and not together on the inside, and that’s okay! Maybe everyone else is in the same boat with me and no one else is sure they have the tiller or the sails under control either.
What are your thoughts on being a grown up? Do you feel grown up or mature inside and out, or are you like me just faking it day by day? Just socially “passing” as an adult, while inside like a giddy, goofy little kid? Let me know your thoughts on this please? Cheers, Michele